Farts & Parts... or my take on the things going on around me

adjectives in the news

2005-09-11T13:00:00.000-04:00

adjectives in the news tick me off. there's very little room for them and editors/producers are getting far too liberal with their use.

today an anchor on cnn said, "... and when we come back [meteorologist's name] will tell us when and where the unpredictable hurricane ophelia will make land-fall."

if the hurricane is unpredictable, NO ONE can tell us when and where it's going to make landfall you schmuck!

and another thing... i often hear conditional destiny sort of statements... phrases like, "such and such may be imminent" if it's imminent, there IS NO "may." something is either imminent or it's not.

a couple of things i didn't know

2005-09-07T11:46:00.000-04:00

i just learned, yesterday, that the chief justice of the supreme court is also the chancellor of the smithsonian institute. interesting. not important, but interesting.

also... apparently, bob denver died. i don't mean the "rocky mountain high" guy, he died years ago. i'm talkin' about gilligan. i guess art garfunkel has one less pot-smokin' buddy now.

survivor prelim stuff

2005-09-03T23:26:00.000-04:00

survivor will be starting soon... and assuming i remmeber to post something that snewser can comment on, you'll see results posted at least 4hrs before air time.

in the mean time, here's some early information. some may be interesting to you and some may be general knowledge. what do i know?

1. tribes are yaxha and nakum (teal and yellow, repsectively)
2. episode one is "big trek, big trouble, big surprise" and airs on 9/15 at 8pm
3. they start with an 11 mile hike... nakum has trouble
4. there's a possibility that jenna M, steph and bobby jon make an appearance (though maybe not in the 1st episode)
5. nakum wins the first reward challenge
6. the first immunity challenge is a canoe race and wok lighting

that's all we have for now. stay tuned.

2005-08-31T12:04:00.000-04:00

i'm printing cd labels for 800 cd's. there are some major alignment problems that have nothing to do with the source document but everything to do with the lable paper and the way my printer takes them up. some print fine, but over half print about a half inch too high on the paper.

i logged on to hp's site and talked with one of their technicians in an online chat... which takes about a half hour to set up with my puny dialup connection, btw.

finally the guy gets there... gavin... and i tell him the problem. i also tell him that it's becasue of how the printer takes up the paper and that i've cleaned the rollers and the aligment of the soft copy of the document has nothing to do with it (as i've adjusted it to no evail).

so he tells me to try cleaning the rollers and he'll walk me through how to do it. i told him i just explained that i did that already.

then he tells me to adjust the top margin of the document and that he'll walk me through that. again, i told him that i had already told him i tried that and it didn't cahnge things.

THEN he tells me to go to this link he sends me. i copy/paste the link into my browser and on that page is a description of the problem with two solutions. you guessed it... the proposed solutions were to clean the rollers and adjust the margin of the document. moron.

so i told him that i supposed there is no fix for my problem. he said that hp is working on a permanent fix... i told him i had the same problem and visited the same page in february. when is the fix coming? morons.

i think it was on the avery website, but wherever it was, there's a list of printers that don't do well with label paper and there are a LOT of hp printers on that list... i recommended to gavin that he tell the engineers that the rollers and paper uptake mechanism in their printers should be fixed as it's a significant problem in many of their products. what a schmuck.

inconsistencies

2005-08-16T19:38:00.000-04:00

the other day some chick was on the news suing wal-mart for having 75% of their employees being female but only like 14% of the mangagers being female. she got promoted but is still suing the chain.

the problem i have with this is that a couple of years ago, people were suing walmart because they were promoting people to managerial positions to get out of paying them overtime (since managers are salaried). c'mon people... pick a side; one or the other.

jennings tribute

2005-08-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

thankfully, ABC proved a theory i had.

network television can actually produce a riveting, quality program with a small budget and NO commercials. i bet that, with a little work, they could use the same formula on dramas and comedies with equal success.

russian technology

2005-08-08T19:30:00.000-04:00

so we're all familiar with the near-tragic submarine issue the russians experienced over the last several days. british troops were dispatched to rescue a russian sub that was tangled in abandoned fishing nets... the russians didn't have the necessary tools to rescue their own sub.

scissors? the russians don't have SCISSORS?????? c'mon.

the end of a life

2005-08-06T22:38:00.000-04:00

tonight i found out that an old acquaintance died.

many years ago i produced and hosted a benefit that featured a number of local performers. one of them was mark grande, a talented keyboardist and a wonderful person. he was a thoughtful, active, concerned citizen and a huge asset to the community.

i don't know the details of his death but i know he'll be missed (and, frankly, he was too young for us to be missing him).

hybrid cars

2005-08-04T13:23:00.000-04:00

yeah... hybrids... the ones that use fuel cells along with gasoline. they cost more (period... no adjustment or accounting necessary... they're not as cost effective as a typical vehicle) but people pay because they're more interesting in the environmental benefit. but this isn't what i want to talk about.

one of the car manufacturers (toyota, i think) wants to have 25% of its line be hybrids by the end of the decade. that's all well and good but there's a problem... the environmental benefit (running on fuel cells rather than gas) is only good when the car's cruising (think highway, not city).

at the moment, there are more cars and less road... the trend is continuing and it's on the rise because there's no money (and little actual desire) to increase the volume of roadway in this country. all this boils down to fewer opportunities for the average commuter to cruise... which translates to more actual gas being burned in a hybrid in stop and go traffic.

more hybrids in the future... less roads w/more cars & more traffic jams... less hybrid BENEFIT. all this means that people are paying too much for too little of a benefit. but if ya feel better ownin' one...

environmentalism is as much about marketing and as little about science as anything else in our culture. don't let anyone tell you differently.

i was all geared up

2005-07-29T14:59:00.000-04:00

i was looking for something on the walmart website and saw that they used the word "tensity" several times... enough times that i knew it wasn't a typo. so i was all geared up to make fun of walmart catering to the redneck clientele... but first i looked up tensity in the dictionary and it is, in fact, a word!

who'd've thunk it.

the a/c 'sploded

2005-07-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

big excitement here since i posted the picture of the urinal.

the air conditioner exploded. woohoo. i heard a very faint "pop" that i didn't pay any attention to... then i smelled a sort of burning smell that kept getting stronger... then i went outside to look at the central A/C unit thingy and just as i got to it, the fan stopped spinning. uh oh.

so i came back inside, turned the thing off and called the guy. the guy actually showed up in less than an hour (it's like a billion degrees here today with enough humidity that you should really wear scuba gear outside). he said the capacitor exploded and the smell was oil.

so, new capacitor goes in... pine scented odor-neutralizer sprayed into the A/C... big, giant bill coming in the mail very soon. i don't know how much a capacitor costs but the labor alone'll be like $75.

now back to our regularly scheduled toilet.

i have nothing to say

2005-07-27T13:18:00.000-04:00

but i thought i'd post this:

the greatest sign of accomplishment

2005-07-26T11:52:00.000-04:00

among the rednecks out here in redneck-land, there's this sign of accomplishment... these morons still see the cadillac as the single symbol of success in life. they are CONVINCED that at some point in their life, they should have their cadillac.

it's great to have goals... even one like this, which is dated... but i have to laugh hysterically when i see an old, near-retirement redneck with his caddy in the driveway. only thing is that this cadillac isn't your typical cadillac. THIS one has rust and primer and dings and scratches and 4 mix-matched tires... and on and on and on...

but he's got his caddy! who needs standards?

namesake dies

2005-07-25T12:43:00.000-04:00

i just saw at cnn.com that long john baldry died (today, i assume). elton john took his name from bluesology band-mates elton dean and long john baldry. elton is, of course, the source of my various usernames.

a bit of trivia here... bleusology recorded one of the songs elton wrote. it was "come back baby" and if you ever hear it you'll see how pitiful a lyricist EJ is. typically, long john baldry sang on their recordings but elton sang on this one... his voice is good but the words are positively horrid. thankfully, liberty records paired him with bernie taupin shortly afterward.

how to ruin your day

2005-07-21T13:53:00.000-04:00

there are surely no limit to the number of ways to ruin one's day... believe me, i know.

here's one that i try to avoid...

taking a shower, putting nice, clean socks on your nice clean feet... then stepping in water. it's horrid i tell you. absolutely horrid.

and the sci fi world mourns

2005-07-20T12:46:00.000-04:00

i see james doohan has died... yeah... mr. scott from star trek.

i'd like to have a nickel for every instance of someone trying to work "beam me up scotty" into a eulogy for him.

headlines

2005-07-19T23:00:00.000-04:00

it ain't monday and this ain't "the tonight show"... but...

on the yankees website RIGHT NOW, there's a headline that reads:

"no surgery for wang... yet"

it's fallen and can't get up

2005-07-17T13:28:00.000-04:00

well... there's a big, giant tree limb in my yard. it's from a tree that's right next to the house and it feel off for no apparent reason this morning.

i was sitting at the counter looking at the paper and heard a sound that sounded like fire crackers. i didn't think anything of it 'til i got up, turned around and saw some flora through the window. it didn't look like anything too significant from that angle so i didn't pay it much mind... just thought it was a branch that fell down in the storm last night.

a few minutes later i went to the bedroom to look out that window and make sure the directv dish was ok. i laughed my butt off when i saw that the entire front yard was covered in tree. the bit that i saw from the living room was just a tiny piece... the limb that fell was about 10" in diamater and a good 20 feet long. no wonder it made so much noise. and it missed the dish by about a foot... in fact, i hope there's no wind so it doesn't roll over onto it.

it's still attached to the tree (a little bit) so that'll be a fun project for tomorrow... i gotta have help though 'cause i can't cut it loose and expect it to stay clear of the dish all by myself.

catharsis or abandonment

2005-07-13T19:28:00.000-04:00

i don't know and i don't care what the reason is... but i need a change... a big one.

today i started trimming down my life... i'm lopping off pretty much everything for at least a little while. i've emailed the people who call me and i asked them not to do so. i've thrown out all the stupid little nick-nacks i had around and i don't miss them. i tore up a bunch of papers i'd saved for various reasons (but don't actually need) and threw them in the trash.

this will continue tomorrow... my mind is clearing up nicely now that all the static (both figurative and literal static) is dwindling. i feel like i've won a prize.

new rule

2005-07-13T11:42:00.000-04:00

ok... i've figured it out... the grand solution...

if you have children in any confederate state, the "no child left behind" act should be replaced with THIS standard. redneck children must perform this task in order to be considered adequately educated.

hey... if it's good enough for idaho...

coldstone

2005-07-12T19:36:00.000-04:00

i went to a coldstone creamery today for ice cream (don't tell my other blog about this) and all i can say is WOW!!!!!

this stuff makes ben & jerry's taste like the supermarket brand. they even use these paddles to hand mix stuff INTO the ice cream on this marble stone thing... very cool.

today show milestone

2005-07-11T11:50:00.000-04:00

i see that cnn.com has an article about the today show and how it's going to be 500 consecutive weeks as the number one rated morning news show.

look... ALL the morning news shows are pitiful. i mean this from both a news AND an entertainment standpoint. but the today show is positively horrid. couric and lauer are two of the most self-absorbed personalities on tv. they try too hard to be homely and puritanical. either their behaviors are poorly acted OR they're truly that ridiculous in person.

this show needs to decide whether it's news or entertainment and then start acting like it. at the moment, it's neither and failing miserably at both. the fact that it's rated number one only illustrates the intellect and attention span of those fools who are home at that hour and the fact that nbc has figured out how to manipulate their small minds.

cleaning house

2005-07-10T23:04:00.000-04:00

have you ever had one o' those days... or STRING of days... when you just wanted to clean house? i mean just tell people to bugger off and omit them from your life for good?

i'm on about the 5th day of this kinda mood and i don't know what to do about it. there are a couple of good, close friends i'd never "discard" but there are so many acquaintances and affiliations (with people, groups, clubs, etc.) i'd so love to abandon right now... it's not healthy to have this much disgust and anger inside but i can't help it.

i don't know about this

2005-07-09T15:22:00.000-04:00

i see NASA's opted to keep the shuttle where it is... with dennis coming and the whole nine yards.

i dunno... i'm just thinkin' that since the last one blew up on the way back because of a ding it got on the way out, maybe they might wanna think harder about keeping it outside during a hurricane.

i'm no expert but this just doesn't sound like a wise decision.

brrrrrrr

2005-07-08T12:43:00.000-04:00

i can't believe how CHILLY it is here.

we had remnants of cindy pass through last night and this morning. it was warmer at 7am yesterday than it was at 2pm yesterday... and it's down right chilly now. cnn.com says we're at 71 degrees... i'd bet if the wind-chill was factored in it'd be cooler than that.

this may be the first time in my lifetime that the air conditioner's been off for 24 hour straight in the middle of july... and the windows open and i'm in pants! (that's as opposed to shorts, silly)

i noticed something

2005-07-07T16:19:00.000-04:00

like most everyone else, i was watching coverage of the london bombings on cnn this morning. i noticed something interesting though.

when cnn showed video clips they'd gotten from whatever british tv station it was, there was a solicitation right on their broadcast (the british broadcast) for camera-phone pictures. they gave a number to send them to and everything.

i thought that was interesting.

btw... i feel badly for bob woodward. he's making the rounds to sell his deepthroat book and all this happened... so he gets asked about terrorism more than his book. sure, terrorism is more important but still...

across?

2005-07-03T15:15:00.000-04:00

i keep hearing and reading the phrase "across the globe" or "across the world."

couple o' things...

first, what's wrong with the old AROUND the world phrase?

second, we DO remember the world's sperical, right?

third, can you actually go ACROSS a sphere on its surface?

please light yourself on fire

2005-07-03T12:44:00.000-04:00

if you live near me, please celebrate the 4th fervently... use lots of illegal fireworks in a mindless way and light yourselves on fire. rednecks are flammable and i hope they all burn to a cinder this year.

AP English in the south

2005-06-30T12:33:00.000-04:00

there was an AP english teacher from texas on 60 minutes last night. she said, "i hope they come back safe."

three cheers for the no child left behind act.

do we need reminding?

2005-06-24T12:52:00.000-04:00

in the movies, when a kidnapper asks for a ransom, they always specify that they want "small, unmarked bills."

do we need reminding of this? hasn't society gotten to the point yet where we can just ASSUME that no kidnapper wants LARGE, MARKED bills?

i love my spam

2005-06-11T14:50:00.000-04:00

i just had an email in my junk mail folder from "christiandebtrelief" and the subject line read "relieve your debt the christian way." what is that, i wonder? feed it to the lions?

i've also gotten a number of emails over the last 6 months or so from some kind of christian dating service website thing. fascinating mail for an athiest... though i DO need debt relief and i DO need a dating service (not really, but i AM single).

it dawned on me a moment ago though... dating kind of BEGETS (nice biblical term i worked in there) debt in the first place. men spend more money on account of women than for any other reason. dating can also lead to marriage... which often leads to divorce... both of which cause even MORE debt.

word to the wise. stay single, stay liquid.

an interesting sighting

2005-06-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

so i'm walkin' the dog tonight. the weather's nice and people are outside and cars are going by with their windows down, etc.

a car goes past me and i hear the driver say, "oh my god... that boy is beating that girl in the head with a f*ck!ng chair and their mother is just standing there watching!"

i went down the street a bit further. sure enough, there was a boy beating a girl in the head with a f*ck!ng chair and their mother was, indeed, watching.

people like this should be forced to live out of the line of sight of any civilized human being.

opinions

2005-06-06T15:15:00.000-04:00

no... i'm not gonna say what you think... but yeah, we all DO have them.

something to be aware of though. if you have an opinion, that's great. if, however, you EXPRESS your opinions too liberally, be prepared to learn how liberally other people can express THEIR opinions about yours.

why the today show is pitiful

2005-06-05T22:55:00.000-04:00

i noticed something the other day. before i go through this, remember that i detest the today show... particularly katie couric. she may be the lousiest tv personality (no, i won't call her a journalist) in NBC history.

if you watch any interview on a tv news program, the interviewER spends about 30 or 40 percent of the time talking; the interviewEE gets the other 60-70 percent. on the today show, it's the exact opposite... the interviewER spends between 60 and 80 percent of the time talking. that's not right. i want to hear what the GUEST has to say, not about what katie couric's daughter thought of some movie or what have you.

what'd he say again?

2005-05-29T14:26:00.000-04:00

on "this week" this morning, they played a video clip of the president saying that federal dollars should not be used to fund the destruction of human life. this was, of course, in response to the issue of stem cell research.

is it just me or are federal dollars being used to fund the destruction of human lives in the middle east? sure they are.

the logical argument: this is actually SAVING lives.

the logical rebuttal: so would stem cell research.

the debate doesn't have to be any more detailed than this... i'm going away now. :)

the end may be near

2005-05-28T15:19:00.000-04:00

i've reached the end of my rope when it comes to customer service and technology. there will be a day, not too far in the future, where i'll be giving up on the internet.

netzero has been a joy for the last few months. it, like every other ISP i've ever had, has caused me some degree of dissatisfaction and i'm at a point where i just don't feel it's worth the effort anymore. much like cell phones, how difficult is it to just give us a product that works... and works all the time, everywhere.

just once i'd like to see a technological advancement that comes to us with the stability, safety and ease of use of something like a vacuum or a blender. i have NEVER gone to use one of these items and wondered, "gee, what difficulty will i encounter THIS time? will it function properly today?"

it's great that the businesses that bring us internet service and cell phones are interested enough in satisfying their clients that they throw free service or free extras at us when there's a problem. i think that's SOMETHING... but i think it would be preferable to just have a product that works... and/or for them to actually solve problems when they arise. as things are handled now, we just get bones thrown at us from time to time; or we get extra features.

it's not good enough any more. i'm putting my foot down today. i want a product that works. period.

the rednecks are comin'

2005-05-26T23:14:00.000-04:00

the weather's finally starting to be consistently warm so the rednecks are emerging more often now. the other day i noticed living room furniture on one neighbor's lawn. it's been there for at least a week now... IN THE RAIN, of course. they have a couch and a love seat out there... must be expecting company.

have problems remembering things

2005-05-20T13:22:00.000-04:00

if you're unable to remember things... either because of age, illness, disinterest, etc. ...

then just remember this one thing: that you're forgetful.

easy listening music

2005-05-17T16:23:00.000-04:00

my recent acquisition of a directv dish has resulted in a bit of an education.

you can make ANY song (that's right, i said ANY song) into "easy listening" by playing it on a woodwind instrument to a bosonova beat. this formula would work for the hardest metal tune ever recorded. trust me.

survivor

2005-05-12T12:34:00.000-04:00

this week i remembered. check the comment section of this post for results. should be up by 4pm today.

the art of language

2005-05-11T13:06:00.000-04:00

first, let me apologize for not putting up a "survivor" post last week. i'll try not to forget this week (tomorrow). feel free to remind me. :)

i'm in a perpetual conversation with a couple of different people about language and the changes that have taken place in our lifetimes. the general opinion is that the english language is corrupting or devolving before our eyes. i disagree with that.

let me make this analogy. painters, sculptors, clothing designers and other artists are generally loathed or misunderstood in their own time. to a large extent, this is because they're working with new materials or new perceptions. acrylic paints, for example, don't work the same way as watercolors... the artists who used each of these first weren't well received because it wasn't what people were used to looking at. the cut of clothing has changed over the years because designers have learned to work with new stitches, hardware, fabrics, etc.

the manner in which a sculptor molds clay with unique tools or a painter finds brush & paint combinations that work in an innovative way all have an impact on future art. various facets of these experiments become commonplace... in the same way, the mechanics of language change.

language is merely a tool to convey a thought. as long as that thought is conveyed from sender to receiver, language is effective. a phrase like, "that car is mine's," might sound ridiculous to most people but anyone reading it can understand what it means. language has served its purpose. the same holds true for conventional computer-originated abbreviations such as "lol" or "c u l8r."

there have been wordsmiths for ages. it's not a new concept to deconstruct the language for the sake of poetry or effect... and no rule of grammar has stood since the dawn of language. even the mechanics of english have changed since the days of shakespeare.

i feel that it's inappropriate to criticize those who dare to change the structure and mechanics of our language. language is an art and it's as subject to interpretation as any other. it's right to objectively critique it but wrong to discount the daring flux out of hand.

planting the seed

2005-05-05T23:07:00.000-04:00

i love how the morning news insisted on planting the seeds of fear today. there was an improvised explosive device set off in NYC this morning. it was two novelty grenades that were filled with black powder and ignited.

you all know i don't report news here, so this is far from finished. here's my problem...

the building where the explosion happened housed the british consulate and today there were elections in england. naturally, the news kept pointing out that it was the consulate's building... planting the seeds of fear dude. what they didn't mention was that there were a truckload of other offices and businesses in this building... the weather channel even had offices in the building. maybe this dude was ticked off because "local on the 8's" was always a minute late.

all i'm sayin' is that sometimes a coincidence is just a coincidence.

"i'd like to talk to your mom"

2005-05-05T14:36:00.000-04:00

i hear this phrase in just about every tv series that involves children who confront a medical issue. the doctor will tell the kid, "i'd like to talk to your mom (or dad or whatever)." the kid smiles and skips out of the office not thinking twice about it.

DUDE! if the doctor wants to talk to your parents, YOU'RE NOT DOING WELL!!!!!! nothing good has EVER come after "I'd like to talk to your mom." EVER! if you hear a doctor say this to you, just hang it up because you're really sick and you're likely not going to get any better. GET A CLUE!

fan mail

2005-05-02T22:28:00.000-04:00

i got a piece of fan mail (so to speak) from a reader in kentucky. he wrote to me about my redneck posts and said, in part:

"i respect you're right to free speach"

do i even need to say more????

2005-05-01T13:34:00.000-04:00

someone actually found my fitness blog through a search for "fish oil." that kinda made me feel good... i don't know why being stumbled upon would do that to me, but it did.

there was something else on my mind this morning, but now i can't seem to remember what it was. i'm in a general sorta funk today and i'm not sure why... maybe it's because things are blooming, the sun is shining and temperatures are rising. i like spring for what it is, but give me the cold, gray days of winter anytime.

germs & bacteria are EVERYWHERE

2005-04-30T13:28:00.000-04:00

i saw a report on the news AGAIN today where they send some lab dude around with his little q-tip and petrie dish to swab for bacteria. guess what... he found bacteria!!!! WOW! THIS MUST BE NEWS!

look people... bacteria and germs are everywhere. they're not going away. don't be scared... it doesn't matter. they're SUPPOSED to be everywhere and we should be happy about that.

yeah. wash your hands. i'm not suggesting that we shouldn't keep up good hygeine here. one chick in the report decided to throw away her shawl because it had bacteria on it. dear jesus! lighten up, chicky! if it wasn't on your shawl, it'd be all over your coat or shirt or wherever else it wanted to land.

where's susan powter when we need her??!?!?!?! STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!

the times they are a changin'

2005-04-28T12:53:00.000-04:00

Caren had a great post the other day about the 1980's. in part it said:

"Sociologist Margaret Mead theorized that in the past, society was a "postfigurative" culture in which the young learned from the old and from tradition. Now we are a "prefigurative" where the old actually learn from the young. Those of us in Generation X helped a whole revolution sweep under our doors and onto our desks."

it's one of those things that we all probably noticed but never really thought to quantify. i wonder if this means that, in the future, instead of kids rebelling against their parents, the parents will rebel against their children.

survivor

2005-04-28T12:31:00.000-04:00

check the comment section of this post to learn who's leaving the island tonight. should be up at least 4 hours before air-time.

while i'm here, i wanted to mention something that made me chuckle yesterday. i got my bank statement (that, in itself, is enough to make me laugh) and there was something interesting there.

i bank in a town called marydel. the statement has a chestertown address on it for the bank. the return address on the envelope is baltimore. perplexing, ain't it.

kelly swoop IS sanjay gupta

2005-04-27T12:28:00.000-04:00

i watch CNN in the mornings and WMAR (the abc affiliate in b'more) at night. i know CNN and ABC are related and they share a lot of resources & stories. yesterday, though, they went over the top.

yesterday morning, dr. gupta did a story on CNN about "blackberry thumb." it's a tendonitis problem that develops from using hand-held devices too much (pda's, blackberries, cell phones, etc.). WMAR's kelly swoop did the same story on the 5 o'clock news last night. they used the same video footage and showed the same interview clips... one with a doctor and one with a sufferer. i could handle that, but then things got out of hand. kelly swoop did the same voiceover that dr. gupta did on CNN... VER BATIM!!!!!!!

that's so wrong. if you're going to syndicate the news, don't even bother dubbing the audio... just show the same piece CNN showed, dr. gupta and all.

it's been a while... may be a while longer

2005-04-26T13:47:00.000-04:00

i can't believe i haven't had squat to say in the last four days. hey... even genius has to take a sabatacle from time to time. i can't keep up the pace of analytical thought i've set for myself.

so, in lieu of anything fruitful here, i'm going to mention that i'm changing my lifting schedule. i realize i just posted an update on it but i've been doing the same lifts for about two months (many lifts i've done longer, but not in the split i posted) so it's time for a recovery week and a revision.

starting next week i'm going to do an entirely different set of circuits that will take 27 weeks to progress through. there's too much detail to post but i'm expecting even better results from this program... i've spent the last four or five days compiling it, so it better be better.

i'm also announcing that i'm starting a DIFFERENT blog that will be purely devoted to fitness and my own personal lifting information. i'll link to it as soon as it's up (this weekend, i hope) and you can find a lot of things there that might be helpful... even debatable, and that's good too.

naming legislation

2005-04-22T12:35:00.000-04:00

it's so odd... i had this thought in mind a few weeks ago but hadn't gotten around to posting it. this morning on CNN, a similar point came up, so here goes.

i'm so incredibly tired of our bills and laws getting names. there's megan's law and the amber alert and a whole host of others. it's become a marketing point. it's as though the legislators feel they can take initiatives further, and with more success, by attaching a name to things.

the lindstrom girl who was kidnapped and killed by a neighbor is now in this category. it's awful what happened to her, and i think it's great that her father is taking the initiative to prevent something similar from happening to another child. in talking about it on CNN this morning, someone said, "i look forward to the day when we don't have to name laws after children," or something to that effect... point being that they want children to be better protected. a nice goal to have, of course.

i think that if we're going to name any legislation, we should name 'em all. let's formally name every bill and law just like we name our sports stadiums. we could have the tom delay ethics bill, the bill gates capital gains law, and my personal favorite... the john holmes tax code (you can figure that one out for yourself).

Survivor

2005-04-21T14:28:00.000-04:00

check the comment section of this post for results of tonight's survivor episode.

are we evovling or not?

2005-04-20T11:14:00.000-04:00

i have to wonder if we're evolving as a species or not.

it's safe to say that we're evolving PHYSICALLY. i believe this is true because we're able to fight more diseases while "tougher" ones develop... a clear sign that evolution is happening. also, we see our useless pinky finger shrinking and i'd imagine in a few dozen generations our appendix will be completely gone.

what about mental evolution? if we, the human race, are evolving mentally, why is there directions on shampoo bottles? why do envelopes say "place stamp here," or "post office will not deliver mail without postage?" shouldn't things like this become part of our brains' wiring? shouldn't we know these things without being prompted?

evolution dictates that we should eventually become more proficient with less assistance. there are more warnings, cautions, instructions, etc. on EVERYTHING. naturally, some products are more complicated or newer... and i'm only looking at a small window of time... but from the point of view of human logic, i think we may be devolving. we're losing our ability to think and assess things independent of "expert opinion," labeling and instruction sheets.

i love lucy... in cuba

2005-04-19T12:31:00.000-04:00

i was thinking this morning... since desi arnaz was from cuba, they certainly must show "i love lucy" there.

assuming they show "i love lucy" in cuba, they probably dub it in spanish... but what about the parts why ricky speaks spanish? do you think they'd dub that in english? it'd kind of blow the point if they didn't, yet it seems so odd.

it's just so ridiculous.

lifting update

2005-04-16T15:34:00.000-04:00

it's been quite a while since i posted my lifting regimen. here's the original list... followed by what i did last week (the most recently completed circuit).

SUNDAY - ARMS / CHEST
Conecentration Curls - 30 lbs, 6 x 3
French Press - 35 lbs, 7 x 3
Bench DB Press - 30 lbs, 8 x 3
Bench DB Fly - 20 lbs, 6 x 3
Seated DB Press - 35 lbs, 6 x 3
Dips - BW, 9 x 3
DB Pullover - ????

TUESDAY - ABS / LEGS
Weighted Situps - 20 lbs, 22 x 3
Knee-Raise Crunch - BW, 33 x 3
Seated Leg Raise - BW, 22 x 3
Side DB Bend - 65 lbs, 8, 8, 15
Sumo Squat - 65 lbs, 8 x 3
DB Squat - 100 lbs, 8 x 3
Standing Calf Raise - 100 lbs, 15 x 3

THURSDAY - BACK / SHOULDERS
SLDL - 90 lbs, 8 x 3
Two-Handed Wood Chop - 35 lbs, 8 x 3
DB Row - 55 lbs, 6 x 3
Upright Row - 90 lbs, 8 x 3
Lat Raise - 15 lbs, 8 x 3
Front Raise - 20 lbs, 6 x 3
DB Shrug - 70 lbs, 8 x 3

--------------------NOW---------------------

SUNDAY - ARMS/CHEST
DB Pullover - 45lbs, 8x3
Seated DB Press - (2)35lbs, 7x3
French Press - 35lbs, 7x3
Bench DB Press - (2)40lbs, 6x3
Concentration Curl - 30lbs, 6x3
Bench Fly - (2)25lbs, 6-6-4
Dips - BW, 13x3

TUESDAY - LEGS/ABS
Side Bend - 95lbs, 6x3
One-Legged Calf Raise - 85lbs, 6x3
Squat - 135lbs, 6x3
Lunge - 35lbs, 7x3
Weighted Situps - 35lbs, 21x3
Knee-Raise Crunch - BW, 37x3

THURSDAY - BACK/SHOULDERS
Deadlift - 150lbs (plus bar), 6-7-8
Bench DB Row - 55lbs, 8x3
DB Shrug - (2)45lbs, 8x3
Two-Handed Wood Chop - 45lbs, 7-6-6
Upright Row - (2)40lbs, 6x3
Front Raise - (2)25lbs, 6x3
Lat Raise - (2)20lbs, 6x3

i switched out the SLDL for a standard DL and traded sumo squats for lunges. there's some inconsistency from the old circuit to the new... some of the things don't match my book. the current circuit is correct, so i'm assuming i transposed a number or something when i posted the original weights/reps. not a biggie. concentration curls haven't progressed at all, and the seated db press only started to progress in the last week or two. other than that, everything's progressing well. i switched the calf raises to a one-legged raise so i could keep symmetry better and work without holding the enormous db's necessary to work both calves at once.

i wonder where this happened

2005-04-15T13:45:00.000-04:00

i didn't have anything to post today until i saw something online.

i saw this headline on cnn's website. it reads, "beer bottles sought as clues to missing girl case". before i even clicked the link, i knew it had to be in the south. where else would beer bottles lead you to a kidnapper. the only exceptional thing here is that they're bottles and not cans. rednecks do love their canned beer.

yesterday there was a story on cnn.com about a woman who traded her 14 year old daughter for a car and forced her 12 year old daughter into prostitution. care to guess where THAT happened? yup. the confederacy. god bless the red states and all their ignorance.

survivor. and my new news rule.

2005-04-13T22:58:00.000-04:00

check the comment section of this post for survivor results... should be up at least 4 hours before air-time.

while i'm here i wanted to mention that i have a new rule for television news. if a tv news program comments on ANY entertainment news, and the company that owns the news program also is affiliated with the entertainer or their show/movie/project, that news program is deemed unreliable for any and all news.

i've made this rule because there's too much intermingling of news and entertainment. entertainment businesses are getting too much free publicity by virtue of their business relationship with news organizations. much of this free publicity transcends actual reporting and is contrived or orchestrated to get "news" coverage.

car seats... ugh.

2005-04-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

last night the evening news had a segment on car seats... AGAIN. they do this about 4 times a year and it annoys me that they have to use valuable news time to talk about the best-made car seats and how important it is to install them properly. police stations and fire houses set up check points and training seminars to teach people how to put the things in correctly. it's absurd.

look. if you're a parent and can't read a simple set of instructions on how to install a car seat, you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place. and if you CAN'T install a car seat properly and the baby gets hurt or killed, consider it beneficial to the gene pool. the way i see it, the kid was probably doomed from the start if his/her parents couldn't put in the flippin' car seat... you'd think, by the way it's portrayed, that these things are harder to deal with than a shuttle launch (or landing, depending on your point of view).

people will say that they have to be prepared for the "other idiots" on the road. i know there are moronic drivers out there. i have a plan for that too. stop making auto insurance a requirement. if people didn't have the safety net of insurance they'd probably drive a lot more carefully.

you rarely come across a person who's been in an accident who said, willingly, that it was their fault. it's always the fault of some other driver (involved or not) or some sort of inanimate object... like poles and mailboxes jump into the road out of nowhere.

while i'm on the subject of car accidents, maryland is passing legislation that would impose stiffer penalties on drivers under 21 who are found to be driving under the influence. why????? drinking under 21 is a crime, driving under the influence is a crime, why do we have to have additional laws to cover the two things together... there are already penalties for each of these. it's like "hate crimes" in that regard.

i have always said that the more legislation there is, the more loopholes there will be... and loopholes beget more legislation. the cycle continues.

i have a better idea

2005-04-11T11:35:00.000-04:00

since eric rudolph plea bargained his way to a life sentence, i've had a thought kickin' around in my head. people who bomb abortion clinics or picket the use of the death penalty should direct their anger to something less controversial and more universally hated.

how about if we got some of these radical morons (who apparently have nothing else better to do with their time) to exercise their right to assemble in front of telemarketing call centers???? i think it would serve a much greater good and put them in the hearts of middle america. we all win.

i'm opposed to the do not call list for two reasons. first, it's too easy for me to put myself into someone's telemarketing list even if i'm enrolled in the do not call list. second, i don't think the government has any right to limit commerce. "do not call" is too close to congress telling a business owner who can come into his store and who he can sell to.

i also believe that a person is deeply moronic if they think they can talk an operator out of calling again. these people are so far removed from the business for whom they're calling that they have no power (and that's assuming the care what you say). i tell all telemarketers the same thing. i tell them that if they'd like to mail me something, i'll look at it, but i don't respond to telephone solicitations of any kind. i don't care if it's for a donation, a sale or a product i actually want.

recently i called dish network to gather information. i AM getting dish network but not until the end of the month. since i called them (last monday) i've gotten three calls from their telemarketers asking me to sign up. each time i tell them that i will be setting up service in a week or two. i tell them that i won't respond to their call. i tell them that i'll call when i'm ready.

i also got a call from someone wanting a donation to the FOP... a cause i like to support. i explained that they can mail me something but this guy wanted me to commit before he sent something out. we started at $35 and i explained my policy of not responding to telephone solicitations; he went to $25 and i gave the same answer; then to $20, $15, $10... each with the same response from me. why would i support a cause when they can't seem to handle a simple directive?

i bet the FOP mails something anyway... even though they said they keep costs down by only mailing to "committed supporters." what about keeping costs down by not staying on the phone with me for an extra 2 minutes? multiply that by the number of calls they make and you've got quite a phone expense.

redneck post supplement

2005-04-10T14:37:00.000-04:00

got some great comments (both on the blog and in person) on the redneck post. there are a couple of things i wanted to add.

1. rednecks have a HUGE problem with the vowel sound of "long-I". for instance, it's not "fire," it's "far." other examples include:

i'm = ah'm
tire = tar
iron = arn
you get the idea.

2. there was a passage about hanging clothes outside in the original post. this is acceptable behavior for regular people. rednecks corrupt it by having half-assed clothes lines and leaving their clothes out in all sorts of weather... weather that doesn't lend itself to drying clothes.

earlier this week i saw something that even amazed me. ya know those folding dowel racks used to dry clothes? typically people put a few pairs of damp socks on them or something like that, but they're used EXCLUSIVELY indoors. well, the other day i saw one outside someone's back door... in the middle of their back yard... piled up with jeans and who-knows-what. sure enough, it was still out there at night... AND it was raining.

3. for the redneck, riding mowers are an acceptable form of vehicular transportation. these devices aren't exclusively for yard maintenance. they can be readily used to run to a neighbor's house and back (in the event of a cheap-beer crisis for example). with a wagon attached, they're almost like a mini-SUV.

survivor

2005-04-07T12:46:00.000-04:00

here we are again... another thursday, another survivor, another loser. check the comment section of this post to learn who it is this week. should be up by 4pm.

i can't believe ulong is down to two members. this is totally unheard of. i have to say though... stephanie is a total hottie. i'd be a happy guy if she or tom won the whole shebang. tom's one of the best contestants. the interesting part is that he hasn't really started "playing the game" yet. if he can swing the game part he could take the loot.

dignity... give it or take it

2005-04-06T13:46:00.000-04:00

that's a statement, not a question. i think it's generally assumed that dignity should be GIVEN, not taken. i'm fortunate in that i know a lot of people who give dignity to others as a matter of course. i wish i were that selfless.

one thing i make a pratice of is not forwarding information about others. if someone tells me something it stays with me to the grave. there's an exception, however. if someone makes a practice of taking dignity from others, then i will return the favor. for example, if you were to gossip to me about someone's short-comings or failures, i would feel comfortable yammering to others about your failures. if you take dignity from others, i'll take yours.

conversely, i find a number of people in my life who regularly go out of their way to maintain other people's dignity. in the harshest of circumstances, these people will always consider others before themselves and not use other people's failures as a baseline to illustrate their own greatness. i imagine this comes from being secure in one's self. if you're secure in yourself, you don't need to use someone else's existence as a base to define your own.

i'd like to strive toward this... this selflessness and giving of dignity. i'll do my best.

what happened to original thought

2005-04-05T13:28:00.000-04:00

i know a lot of people (myself included) who can gather information and reach a conclusion on just about any topic. it's quite mechanical really. research is fairly easy when you think about it.

we can even take things a step further. we can gather all sorts of information on all sorts of subjects. we can throw it all into our meat-grinder minds and extrapolate deeper thoughts on a wider variety of subjects... even if they're not directly related to the information we've gathered.

what i want to know is, what happened to original thought???? where are they, these spontaneous thoughts that haven't been thought before. i'm not talking about ideas, i'm talking about pure thoughts that have no real origin outside of our own minds.

jack kerouac said, essentially, that anything can be taught but some things just have to be learned. things that are learned can be taught to others but they can't be learned by others (through teaching).

christianity is a sham

2005-04-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

here's why i think christianity is a sham... and yes, i'm writing this as the pope is nearing his end.

a segment was recently rerun on one of the news-magazine shows about a newscaster in FL who was suffering from cancer. his tv station asked that viewers pray for his recovery. he, unexpectedly and against all odds, was cured and returned to work. the man and his family claimed that the prayers aided in his recovery; his wife went so far as to say (i'm paraphrasing) that she'd never heard of God answering a prayer so overtly.

now we have the pope on his death bed. the pope is (aside from being a generally great man) the most faithful and devout member of the catholic faith; the most strict and fervent wing of christianity. a BILLION catholics, and others, are praying for his recovery but it's not doing any good.

what can we surmise here? i think what we have is that God's "grand plan" can be blatantly expressed, with no mysticism, to some schmuck in flordia but not to the head of the catholic church. uh huh.

it's like this. prayer is for the people doing the praying. by praying for someone's relief, we relieve ourSELVES. it has no impact on the prayee. we assume there's a heaven because we like to feel comforted when a loved-one dies; feel that they're in a better place of some sort. that, too, is for our own benefit. there's no heaven, we just cease to be, and that's difficult to comprehend and/or live with. so we comfort ourselves with this fantasy and fiction.

prayer, heaven, christianity, faith... all good things. i just refuse to believe that the purposes served are other than selfish. they're beneficial, but be wary of who the benefactor is.

conflicting literature

2005-03-31T22:52:00.000-05:00

i'm reading kerouac's journals in douglas brinkley's "windblown world" and finding it HIGHLY interesting. for whatever reason, i'm reading nietzsche's "beyond good and evil" at the same time. it's like literary schizophrenia... kerouac loathed nietzsche and i imagine nietzsche wouldn't "get" kerouac. they're so similar to one another that it just makes the conflict that much more interesting.

Survivor

2005-03-31T14:12:00.000-05:00

check the comment section of this post to find survivor results. as per usual, should be up by about 4pm today. use this information to win friends and influence people.

btw... while i'm here, i want to make it perfectly clear that i WILL NOT be blogging about terri schiavo. i'm glad she finally kicked though... now if everyone will let it, this issue will be done for good.

what litigation has bestowed upon us

2005-03-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

i don't really know if the idea that the US is a lawsuit-happy nation is accurate or not... but it HAS left us the legacy of fine print.

the other day i was paying close attention to commercials and noticed a lot of fine print that i couldn't even read on a 35" TV screen. if it can't be read, why put it there? beyond that, if it WERE legible, most people couldn't read it in 30 seconds... and that's assuming it's on the screen for the entire commercial. usually it's only on for a couple of seconds, so now it's even MORE impossible to read/comprehend. so if the print's too small and it's not avaialable for a long enough period of time, what's the point?

CYA, i suppose is the appropriate answer... and i understand that. let's be realistic though. to force advertisers to engage in this is totally absurd. let's just stop putting the blame on corporate-america's shoulders and take some responsibility for ourselves. the government, businesses, our neighbors... they're all out of the loop (or should be) when it comes to us making decisions. let's just inform ourselves and take ownership of our own decisions, shall we?

while i'm at it, i want to mention that the same is true for mail, telephone and internet offers. there's so much "fine-print" to sift through that the actual offer is marginal at best. why can't i just get an offer for something that is what it is on the surface? it's because the people/company making the offer might get sued by some schmuck with an extreme case of buyer's remorse. let's just let it go and let people do business in a simpler way.

am i argumentative... or just disagreeable?

2005-03-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

continuing on with some self-deprication...

every now and again, someone will tell me (or suggest) that i'm disagreeable. i dunno... i'm sure they're correct. at the very least, i'm sort of a permanent devil's advocate. but here's why:

we base our interpretations, inferences and understandings on all the experiences we've had in our past (along with former interpretations, inferences, understandings, etc.). if so much as a portion of an iota of one of those is partly incorrect, it could... or it WILL... make for further error. in other words, if we were to learn that the definition of "1" is not what we thought it was, then 1+1 no longer equals 2 and the entire foundation of math is blown away. a flimsy analogy but you get the point.

please don't think i only do this to others. i am constantly checking and questioning my own insights. it's near torturous at times... angling for different perspectives, origins, interpretations of event and so on.

we can't be omniscient, at least i know i can't... and no one should expect to be. we're flawed in that way (and others) and it'll never change. that's not to say it shouldn't be attempted.

consider. anything. just consider.

i'm ready for the asylum

2005-03-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

normally i write about my thoughts on other things. today i have to comment on something i did that's less than intellectual.

i made a cup of coffee in my coffee maker this morning. the cups are thermal, stainless steel with sippy-lids on 'em. so i didn't mind that it sat there for a few minutes after it was done before i got to drink it... and i DID eventually get 'round to drinking it. it tasted funny, but i couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with it for some reason. i kept drinking until i got near the bottom of the cup. by this time it was getting uncomfortably cool and the bad taste was even worse so i unscrewed the lid and dumped it in the sink.

this is when i realized what happened... the liquid i poured out of the cup was clear! i just drank a cup of hot water with NOOOOOOOOOO coffee in it.

ugh.

THE REDNECK POST

2005-03-24T13:20:00.000-05:00

i've promised a number of people i was working on this, so here goes.

it's getting to be that time of year... the time when the rednecks come out of their little dens to torture those of us who are not so socially challenged. we see very little of the common redneck during the winter months as they don't function well in cold weather unless there's "huntin'" to be done. so if you want to know how to track and identify this creature, let me take you on an educational journey (i.e.: i'm gonna learn ya sumpin').

one thing i find interesting is that the common redneck detests anything that isn't christian, white and heterosexual. they cannot fathom a person daring to NOT be these three things. at the same time, the redneck has embraced jeff foxworthy for doing something first thought of by richard pryor. richard pryor took the sting out of the "N" word by using it in his comedy act... foxworthy did the same thing with the word "redneck". let me assure you, i do not use the word redneck to be comical here. i find rednecks to be a scourge and honestly believe they actively hold society back.

i should also point out that, contrary to general belief, rednecks are not a PURELY southern phenomenon. while the population of rednecks is more condensed and pronounced south of the mason-dixon line, they do exist north of it to an extent. areas of pennsylvania, new jersey, ohio and other states have clusters of rednecks. they are primarily southern people and as RS has mentioned on many occassions, the south has been on the "wrong side of history" almost 100% of the time.

one other note: please don't confuse "white trash" with rednecks. white trash is a sort of subculture within redneck society. you can be a redneck without being white trash... but if you're white trash, you are, by default, a redneck.

HIBERNATION
as i said, the common redneck likes to hibernate in the winter. when sunny, warm days are upon us they'll start showing themselves to the general public more. in fact, the common redneck likes to do EVERYTHING outside once the weather's nice. they eat outside, drink outside, watch tv outside (the television stays inside, they just look at it through the screen door) and they ARGUE outside... a LOT.

SOUNDS
the common redneck has many distinct sounds you can learn to identify. the first thing to listen for is words like "tarnation" and phrases like "dag nabbit", but they're typically from the older generation.

a trained listener will also notice that the common redneck works very hard at condensing words to as close to one syllable as possible. there's a nearby town called harrington, for example, that the common redneck will refer to as "hurnt'n". polysyllabic words are not their strong point.

double negatives, on the other hand, ARE a strong point. these people have, in fact, so embraced the double negative that they've raised the skill to new levels by employing the word "ain't" because apparently traditional double negatives aren't good enough... they had to start making up words to further corrupt the language.

verb conjugation is also a great challenge for the common redneck. phrases like, "i seen," "he's went," and the previously mentioned "learn ya sumpin'" are typical.

gas and various other body-function noises are also abundant from the common redneck. unless you're in the immediate vicinity, you'll likely not hear them. the vocal stylings, however, can be heard at long range as they love to speak loudly.

another sound, not directly related to the redneck HIMSELF, is an incredibly loud vehicle. depending on the income of the redneck, he's either spent a lot of money to make his exhaust system loud on purpose, or it has developed that way naturally and no cheap-beer money has been spent to accomplish it.

TRACKING/DROPPINGS
the common redneck is easily tracked in any environment and over any terrain. one need only look for empty cans of cheap beer (budweiser, pabst, miller, et al) to know a redneck has passed through an area. they RARELY drink from bottles and avoid any beer with actual flavor.

we can also look for cigarette butts or boxes (sometimes marlboros, but often generic brands), chicken bones and other parphenalia. the idea of garbage bags is foreign and far too sophisticated for the common redneck and he has little to no understanding of the environment and ecosystem... unless and until it interferes with his "huntin'". trash makes its way out of the house and into the yard or wherever it happens to land at various intervals.

MATING
there's one interesting pattern in the redneck mating ritual... there's a weight discrepancy between husband and wife. in virtually EVERY redneck couple, one spouse will be overweight and the other underweight. this phenomenon has been pondered by the greatest minds of our time and not even marlon perkins could explain it.

whatever the case and whatever the reason, redneck mating is one of the most highly successful reproductive initiatives known in nature. these creatures are among the most fertile on earth and spawn in great numbers. the current theory on this is that the common redneck does not posess the intellect required to properly follow instructions for any modern birth control device. the rhythm method is a HUGE waste of time as if a redneck actually learned he had rhythm of any kind, he'd be venturing too near what he considers to be the specialty of black-america.
further, the redneck blames minority groups for taking advantage of social programs (welfare, et al). the truth of the matter is that rednecks and white trash make up the majority of recipients of said programs.

SPOTTING THE DEN
you'll quickly recognize the den of a redneck family. this creature adorns his habitat with colorful banners... each signifying one or several NASCAR drivers and/or sponsors. there will likely be a plainly visible clothesline as well. no attempt has been made to place the clothesline in a more obscure area (in spite of one being available) and all manner of clothes will be on the line at any given time... often not thoroughly cleaned and sitting through rain and other inclement weather for days at a time. if the wind cooperates, a pair of soiled boxers (with only portions of intact elastic) can make its way across county lines in less than 12 hours.

another sign that you're looking at a redneck's den is the misplacement of furniture. to the common redneck, furniture is furniture, whether it's designed for indoor use or outdoor use. it's not uncommon to find couches or recliners in the yard, and it's equally plausible that there's a folding beach chair in the living room. whatever furniture there is, and wherever it's placed, be assured there's some kind of nook for a can of budweiser.

ENTERTAINMENT
the common redneck has a short attention span that is indulged by a few hobbies. driving cars in a circle seems to be preeminent on the list, followed closely by a good episode of "the jerry springer show". in the event a redneck cannot be near a television at this time, the volume is increased so the entire neighborhood can enjoy it while cletus changes his transmission fluid. other forms of entertainment include the musical stylings of lynard skynard, the eagles and, for the younger generation, hip-hop music. once these cultural indulgences are no longer enjoyable, they revert to beer swilling, spousal abuse, methane emission and sleep.

FINAL THOUGHT
as with any social group, the new generation of rednecks is flying in the face of convention. deviations from the norm include interracial dating, pop-style-country music (and the aforementioned hip-hop) and a minor improvement in diction (this is not to say that grammar, spelling and other technical/mechanical skills have improved). oddly, the new generation of rednecks have employed many phrases from the "gangsta rap" field, yet they have no idea how ridiculous it sounds using such phrases with their redneck vocal inflections. it sounds as absurd as the lucky charms leprechaun ordering linguine & clams in little italy.

survivor

2005-03-22T23:02:00.000-05:00

check the comment section of this post for results of wednesday's survivor episode... should be up by 4pm.

the redneck post is almost ready to roll. i was gonna put it up tomorrow but i don't want to confuse the survivor post. so look for the redneck-bashing on thursday. yeehaw.

three things

2005-03-21T11:31:00.000-05:00

i got my "men's health" magazine newsletter in my email the other day and it was titled "you need a new johnson rod". make your own joke. (a johnson rod is a mythical car part blamed for undiagnosable problems, btw)

"the ten commandments" was on the other day and i noticed something. the voice of god in the movie sounded a lot like the voice of jacob marley in the alistair sim version of "a christmas carol". easy conclusion: jacob marley is god.

the redneck post is still in the works. i'm working as hard as i can on it in my spare time and hope to have it up in a day or two... i'm just not quite satisfied with it yet. keep your eyes peeled. eye peelers can be purchased at your local kitchen supply store. use with caution. caution can also be purchased in your local kitchen supply store.

book burning

2005-03-18T23:02:00.000-05:00

i was watching "the day after tomorrow" last week. not a bad film, but i wasn't overly thrilled with it. regardless of the entertainment value of the movie, it made me think of something.

there's a scene in the movie where they're burning books to stay warm and a small debate develops about the whole idea of book burning. one guy insisted on saving the guttenberg bible, for example, and another discussed the value of nietzche (my daddy).

i'm not advocating book burning, but let's take it for what it is... it's bound paper with ink on it. the "horrors" of book burning get blown out of proportion because people see it as threatening. it's not. even if, hypothetically, you burned every copy of a certain book, the ideas and feelings in that book don't turn to ash and smoke... those things live inside every person and can never be taken away.

we tried burning beatle albums and disco records... they haven't disappeared.

while i'm here, let me give a quick tease. there are a number of people waiting for my infamous redneck post. it's coming and could be up later this weekend. rednecks are a HUGE thorn in my side and i detest them with every ounce of my being. this post will be cruel and heartless... and IT'S COMING SOON!

the town moron

2005-03-17T15:03:00.001-05:00

RS emailed me a link to a website yesterday. it's run by some local, radical, redneck guy. after reading it for a few minutes, i realized that it essentially said there's no need for all the hard work done by middle america... that the middle class only works to make the wealthy wealthier.

whatever. either the guy's highly intelligent or a total waste of good carbon. one day, many millions of years from now, someone'll drill him outta the ground to power whatever it is they'll be using to get around. remember, we're all fossil fuel waiting to happen.

something occured to me while reading this guy's rants, however. it seems to me that very little has ever developed from radical fundamentalists working outside society's structure. a leader can move many initiatives in small increments working within the system. a radical can push one major point for a lifetime, working outside the system, and see a success rate far below (nearly zero, i'd suspect) those working hard within it.

meanwhile, walter cronkite's wife died wednesday. she'll become crude oil one day too... and that's the way it was.

speaking of dying and turning into fossil fuel... i've heard many times that the high amount of preservatives in our foods actually slow the decaying of our bodies when we're buried. i wonder if that'll have any impact of gas mileage in the future.

survivor

2005-03-16T23:10:00.000-05:00

sorry. i didn't know survivor was on tonight instead of thursday... so i didn't post anything for snewser to comment results to. my bad. of course, the promise WAS for thursdays. ;)

i'll try to remember that it's on wednesday next week and get the post up.

why is it harder on the internet

2005-03-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

i've been doing some research for someone else regarding various insurance stuff (homeowners, health, etc.) and have discovered something interesting.

all the websites i've visited for the insurance programs i've looked at are hard to navigate and nearly impossible to gather quality information from. i called the same agencies that i looked at online and got the answers i needed in less than five minutes. the phone calls were decidedly more productive and less time consuming.

why can't their web presences be this hospitable?

my dog's an alcoholic

2005-03-15T12:22:00.000-05:00

i'm pretty sure my dachshund is an alcoholic.

for the last week, he's gotten into the habit of asking for a drink every time i turn around (i can't keep his dish on the floor 'cause he tips it over). he just drinks all morning then sleeps all day. eventually he gets up because he has to go to the bathroom... then it's right back to drinking and sleeping.

if that's not a booze-hound, i don't know what is.

was there ever a question?

2005-03-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

the FCC ruled that the "monday night football" intro with that broad from "desperate housewives" was NOT INDECENT.

how decent of the FCC to determine this using all their powers, insight and wisdom.

so i guess i have nothing to say here... other than, why was there ever even an issue about this? welcome to the prude-s-a.

DON'T read the label

2005-03-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

sorry to say i'm still on this nutrition kick... as far as posting here is concerned. we'll move on to other things soon enough, so be patient.

i just want to post a plea. don't pay any attention to nutrition lables... at least not to the %RDA. remember that this is based on the food pyramid and whatever it's new, updated geometric representation is. the "grain lobby," or whatever organization it is, keeps pushing to keep the carb figures high and the protein figures low.

i think it's more important that we, as individuals, learn what different foods do to our bodies and what purpose they serve before following these guidelines. the atkins diet, for example, is wrong. period. but at least it balances out the OTHER misinformation the gov't gives out.

depending on your lifestyle and goals, you need different amounts of protein, carbs, fiber and fat. there are good and bad varieties of all of these. i guarantee that you'll never find a diet book or government guideline that will give you accurate information. you need to monitor your body and assess that for yourself.

dr. spock tried to get us thinking that there's a cookie-cutter method to raising children. that's no more true than suggesting that there's a single way to keep our body nourished.

lifting change

2005-03-13T15:08:00.000-05:00

when i posted my lifting schedule, i didn't include any information about DB Pullovers. until today i hadn't figured out a weight for them. they're on sunday's list and if you wanna know (and i know you do) they're 40 lbs, 8x3... which means i'll be upping the weight very soon.

and, btw, i LOVE the DB Pullovers... highly recommend doing them. they're best at the end of the set because it gives you a good stretch. i like doing DB Bench Flies at the end too for the same reason.

a cheap way to become a hero

2005-03-12T13:58:00.000-05:00

it was mentioned to me that there's an article (in reader's digest, i believe) each year about the worst judges in america. they list ones who have done illegal, immoral and/or questionable things. i have (as is usually the case) two points to make.

first, there's ALWAYS a worst. as the master, george carlin, said, "process of elimination... has to be." even if every judge in the world were of the highest intellect and purest soul, there would still have to be a worst. so the title kind of loses its significance and is designed to generate interest.

second, the idea of exposing things has gotten way out of hand. i'm all in favor of journalism and good investigations but to simply report people's wrong doings is a cheap way to make the reporter (be that a person, a publication, a broadcast or what have you) seem more important than they really are.

there's no shortage of people and agencies that work to illuminate things that make others seem evil. any messenger who can show undesirable activitie(s) makes himself appear more pure... those who do so fervently often want to ascend to the level of success of the accused. it's cheap and should be ignored.

how to knock up a panda

2005-03-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

the folks at the national zoo in DC are worried. their pandas need to conceive and they're not having any luck. it seems that female pandas can only get pregnant about 2 days out of the year. yesterday was the first day and there was no attempt. today, the zoo "officials" are intervening to "help" them along.

i have a better solution. move the pandas out to where i live and hook them up with some of our ridiculous redneck parents. these hicks raise kids who breed more than fruit flies.

Survivor, Episode 4

2005-03-09T15:12:00.000-05:00

check the comment section of this post for survivor results... should be up by 4pm thursday.

while i'm here though, why is there a nutrition label on bottled water? who looks at it? there's nothing in the stuff... if there was, would a bottler really list it? does anyone expect there to be any carbs, protein, vitamins or anything in water?

the front of the bottle should say "water" and the ingredient list on the back should say, "look at the front of the bottle, fool".

same thing goes for rice, flour and any other raw food item.

a brief follow-up

2005-03-09T12:58:00.000-05:00

for whatever reason, i opted to post yesterday's lifting schedule in the previous post. last night, it just seemed logical to me that i should post the WHOLE routine. so here's the basic layout and i'll check back in a few weeks to list the progress. i know this is hardly important to the general public, but maybe someone'll feel inclined to pick up some steel after reading this... 'cause if i can do it, any putz can.

SUNDAY - ARMS / CHEST
Conecentration Curls - 30 lbs, 6 x 3
French Press - 35 lbs, 7 x 3
Bench DB Press - 30 lbs, 8 x 3
Bench DB Fly - 20 lbs, 6 x 3
Seated DB Press - 35 lbs, 6 x 3
Dips - BW, 9 x 3
DB Pullover - ????

TUESDAY - ABS / LEGS
Weighted Situps - 20 lbs, 22 x 3
Knee-Raise Crunch - BW, 33 x 3
Seated Leg Raise - BW, 22 x 3
Side DB Bend - 65 lbs, 8, 8, 15
Sumo Squat - 65 lbs, 8 x 3
DB Squat - 100 lbs, 8 x 3
Standing Calf Raise - 100 lbs, 15 x 3

THURSDAY - BACK / SHOULDERS
SLDL - 90 lbs, 8 x 3
Two-Handed Wood Chop - 35 lbs, 8 x 3
DB Row - 55 lbs, 6 x 3
Upright Row - 90 lbs, 8 x 3
Lat Raise - 15 lbs, 8 x 3
Front Raise - 20 lbs, 6 x 3
DB Shrug - 70 lbs, 8 x 3

so we'll meet back here again in a few weeks to see what's up... weights & reps should BOTH be considerably up by then. questions (from newbies) or critiques (from lifting vets) are plenty welcome in the comment section of this post.

random stuff for a tuesday

2005-03-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

i have absolutely nothing to muse about today, but here are some thoughts that i figured i'd post anyhow...

1. welcome scott to blogspot. he's started his personal blog HERE.

2. tuesday is legs/abs day in my world. this is the first time i'm doing these lifts with any serious weight (i finally got more plates at wally-world) so it'll take some time to get everything up to a weight that'll really tax my muscles. in a lot of cases, i selected a weight that i thought would be good but then wound up blowing my rep count way up to work to failure. that means i gotta add more weight next week.

so here's today's routine:
weighted situps: 20 lbs, 22 x 3
knee-raise crunches: 33 x 3
seated leg-raise: 22 x 3
side bends: 65 lbs, 8, 8, 15 (that's what i mean... gotta add weight)
sumo squats: 65 lbs, 8 x 3
DB squats: 100 lbs, 8 x 3
standing calf-raise: 100 lbs, 15 x 3 (another that needs more weight)

if you wanna know ANYTHING about lifting, try looking at this forum... GREAT resuource.

3. it's snaining here. i think they let school out early. the board of ed is loaded with whimps who are regularly beaten by the redneck parents here. it's a shame to know that i live in a community where a schmuck with a shotgun and a can of budweiser can manipulate people with PhD's. I HATES ME SOME REDNECKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Benny Hinn

2005-03-07T12:31:00.000-05:00

i watched a tape of last night's "dateline" this morning. they did a follow-up story on the evangelist/faith healer, benny hinn.

it's generally safe to say the guy's a charlatan. of course, you have to understand that i'm an athiest and benny's no more of a charlatan than any other "man of the cloth". i just want to make three points on this... i often make TWO points on an issue, so consider this a bonus. ;)

first, i think benny hinn is personally responsible for making the nehru jacket fashionable again. if nothing else, he knows how to dress and i hope others follow his example.

second, i can NEVER see benny hinn listed in the tv-guide without thinking benny HILL. good ol' benny hill's dead and at least it's nice to be reminded of him from time to time.

finally, if these people want to give him all kinds of money and don't mind that he's living in a mansion, breaking promises and driving luxury cars, so be it. it shouldn't matter that folks go to him with hope that's never realized. i like to think of it as nature's way of weeding out the stupid. for some reason, we're repulsed by the likes of hinn... taking advantage of others and leaving them penniless and with no real regard for their personal well being. that's how WE, the outsiders, see it. if you're INSIDE the life of a hinn-follower, whether you're healed, saved or whatnot... if you get comfort from believing in him that's worth something. even if you lose money or hope in the process, you're still gaining some comfort and solice from his performance. that's not really so bad.

the race is on

2005-03-06T23:15:00.000-05:00

i got a haircut saturday and couldn't help but notice two things.

first, the clippings that fell into my lap had an higher quantity of white hairs than i've ever seen before. second, there's a giant bald spot in the back of my cranium.

it's like there's a race to see if my hair will fall out or turn grey first. tomorrow i'm calling vegas to see what the odds are and maybe i'll place a bet.

how fast is hi-speed, really?

2005-03-05T14:39:00.000-05:00

i recently switched to netzero and added their hi-speed service a couple of weeks ago. yeah. the only option i have for internet access here is dialup, so this is the best i can do.

netzero advertises that the hi-speed goes "up to five times faster" compared to regular dialup... and it IS significantly faster. i doubt i could live without it at this point. but i'm wondering about the math. the hi-speed toolbar goes up to 9999% sometimes... that's equivalent to ONE HUNDRED times faster, not five times faster. five times faster would be 500%.

so either they're low-balling their advertising or the meter is just throwing numbers around with no rhyme or reason to 'em. the other possibility is that the percentage shown relates to something other than speed... but what?

the "sin" of wealth

2005-03-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

i don't know why anyone would want to be wealthy in the US. every time i turn around, people of wealth are shunned and crucified by the middle and lower class population.

right now there's a big stink about this business man (i forget his name) who skipped out on paying around a quarter of a BILLION dollars in taxes to the federal government. he said he felt he could have spent the money on improving the world better than the gov't could have. ok, that's not necessarily right by any measure, BUT, if someone of modest means did (proportionally) the same thing, for the same reason, it would have been considered civil disobedience (a wink and a nod to RS).

it's not easy to acquire wealth and status. in the US, however, anyone can do it. it's easier to be born into it... it's easier to be born into breast cancer too... but anyone with drive and determination can become wealthy. frankly, there's an argument to be made that tax breaks (which are inflated by the news and public opinion to be better than they are) and other leniencies are deserved when you acquire this kind of success.

i just don't see what other incentives there are. who wants the general population hating you???? is there any wealthy person we DON'T loathe on some level???

survivor, episode 3

2005-03-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

check the comment section of this post for survivor results. should be up by 4pm thursday.

my favorite new word

2005-03-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

i just read this word somewhere and had to mention it here.

ever had someone look for volunteers to do something and they made YOU do it. you were "voluntold". i'm diggin' it.

let's cancel school

2005-02-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

we're havin' a few snow days here over the last month or so. i don't remember specifics, but it seems like the requirement for closing school has been drastically lessened. if things keep goin' this way, we'll only have school on days when it's 75 degrees with 70% humidity and blue skies. imagine a delayed opening due to overcast.

i don't think that children's lives should be in jeopardy because of dangerous roads but i'd like to see some statistics here. i SUSPECT that children have a higher risk of injury while IN school on an ORDINARY day than they have GOING to school in the snow. if there are numbers to substantiate this, i'd like someone to post them in the comment section.

i'd bet anything that an average day in school yields more injured children than a bus ride in winter weather does.

mother's day

2005-02-28T23:04:00.000-05:00

father's day has always played second fiddle to mother's day on parental-holiday billing. i'm just wondering if, since mother's day was "invented" when women's roles were different, if it shouldn't be a little more equal.

when mother's day first became an actual holiday, women actually were home, raising kids, cleaning house, etc. now, mothers have careers, schlep the kids to daycare, hire people to clean the house... and women actually WANT things to be even MORE equal.

i think women should be able to do whatever they desire. no problem there. i just believe that, since the role of "mother" is less defined and spread more evenly among the two parents, that we should maybe deemphasize the holiday a bit.

we only have one mother but let's be honest and realistic about this.

NUMB3RS... and how our thinking changes

2005-02-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

i've been watching "NUMB3RS" since the series started and just want to make a comment about this past friday's episode. it was interesting with the code and all... but who really believes for a nanosecond that any suicide bomber would agree to hold still for defusing simply because they're at gunpoint????? they're willing to blow themselves and a significant portion of the town away but they absolutely DO NOT WANT TO GET SHOT. c'mon.

anyway... i was thinking about how our thinking changes.

when we're kids, like 7 or 8 years old, we don't believe anything our friends say unless there's hard proof. if a schoolmate has gotten some kind of awesome gift or saw something astounding, we don't believe them unless and until we actually SEE the gift or proof of them being at the astounding event or whatever. yet, at the same age, we believe there's a tooth fairy and santa claus and whatnot.

when we're aged, past retirement for instance, we believe virtually EVERYTHING. elderly people lose their life savings to scam artists and accept the evening news at face value to be the gospel truth. then, of course, they go tell their grandchildren about the tooth fairy and santa claus.

survivor

2005-02-24T14:10:00.000-05:00

ok... let's review the process here. every thursday i'll have a post titled "survivor". in the COMMENT SECTION of that post you'll find snewser's prediction for who gets kicked off that night. i don't know what time it will appear but typically it's up by 4pm. you'll never find results in the body of the post because some of my readers don't want to be tipped off.

something funny i saw this morning on the today show (which i don't really like 'cause katie couric is a schmuck). al roker was trading jobs with a casino dealer and george wallace (the comedian) dropped by unexpectedly. he whipped off a one-liner that i thought was hysterical...

"i could've been your daddy but your momma didn't have change for a dollar."

stuff i've learned

2005-02-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

this is somewhat interesting... a few weeks ago, i learned something about raisins.

everyone's familiar with the two types of raisins. there are "regular" raisins (the purplish ones) and white raisins (the greenish ones). but did you know they're BOTH made from the same grape? they're both made from thompson seedless GREEN grapes. the reason the dark raisins are black/purplish is that they're dried in the sun so they get a tan, so to speak... the white raisins are dried in a hot room with no sun, so they keep their color.

neat, huh?

USPS

2005-02-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

i was talking to my uncle this afternoon. he has nothing to do with this, but as a retired postmater, he made me think of the forthcoming post.

the US postal service gets away with something that no other business could. they have, for instance, a priority mail 2-3 day delivery guarantee. i asked my town's postmaster what happens if my package doesn't arrive in that time... do i get my money back? she said i didn't and i'm left wondering what kind of guarantee this is, exactly.

i have another problem with this concept. why is it two to three days? shouldn't it just be a three day guarantee? i mean, it'll either get there in two days or three days. it can't arrive anywhere in between that time... we only get mail once a day. if you're going to have a guaranteed delivery, it has to be set to the single, longest point at which delivery could take place. they surely can't call it a two day guarantee because it might take three. this leaves us with a three day guarantee that's not really a guarantee at all because they're not compelled to achieve it.

when you think of it, aside from the possibility of losing business, there's nothing requiring the USPS to do anything at all. they could pick up our mail and throw it in the trash. i get nothing at all from them if they screw up... unless it's an insured item, of course.

so i recommend this: if the USPS suffers no repercussions for not getting my priority mail delivered in the alotted time, why not guarantee EVERYTHING. based on this principal, i'm going to guarantee you'll find fun and entertaining posts on my blog from now to st. swithen's day... i guarantee it.

nascar

2005-02-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

from what i hear, the nascar season has started. the big story with it right now is that the liquor companies can sponsor cars and they have to spend 20-30% (i forget the exact figure) of their advertising budget on responsible drinking ads. let's take a look at this together, shall we...

first of all, spending 20% of your advertising dollars on responsible drinking is like saying 20% of your audience needs to hear it. i don't think that's correct. the figure should be more like 5% or less i believe. think of all the people who drink and then think of the number of drunk drivers and you'll see what i mean. of course, these figures could be vastly different if you only look at nascar fans.

secondly, these people are driving close to 200mph... do we really need to worry about liquor at that point. if a fan is going to emulate something from nascar, it's not going to be picking up a bottle of crown royal. it's going to be driving way too fast without the proper training and equipment... unless you consider "RIP Earl" in the back window of the pickup to be proper equipment.

third, why do we have to always consider negative fallout from advertising initiatives like this? there's no requirement for tide or home depot to spend advertising dollars on responsible use ads. i think there's stuff you can get at home depot that'll cause more damage than drunk driving.

finally... as many of you know, i'm not a nascar fan. this is mostly because they have too many drivers who sound like gomer pyle and not enough who sound like michael corleone. if joe pesci would get in a car, just for one race, i might consider watching. as it stands right now, even considering the national appeal, this is a redneck sport. it's by rednecks and for rednecks. the only mystery is why they always turn LEFT when it's clearly a crowd of RIGHT-wing fans & drivers.

i can't believe i forgot

2005-02-18T12:12:00.000-05:00

i can't believe i forgot about posting survivor stuff last night. my bad. on the bright side, i just wanna say that i'm sooooooo glad wanda didn't make it to a tribe. that granola-chewin', tree-huggin', bad-song-singin' freak was on my last nerve 10 seconds into her first camera shot. yuck.

why is it that, as good and infectious a positive attitude can be, that some people are just annoying about it?

the voices in our heads

2005-02-17T23:15:00.000-05:00

i was just wondering...

why is it that if someone hears an inner voice that tells them to become a priest, we tell them our innermost secrets and trust their advice. but if someone hears an inner voice that tells them to put their child in the microwave for 20 minutes, we wouldn't trust them to flip a burger for us.